I wanted to become sober, and I wanted to complete the Twelve Steps.
The problem was that I could not get past the religious and higher-power language surrounding the traditional AA approach.
I am science-based. Religion is not something I believe in, and the idea of giving credit for my sobriety to God or another higher power made me deeply uncomfortable. I chose to get sober. I did the work required to become sober, and I continue making the choices that keep me sober.
For me, giving that achievement to something I do not believe exists would have felt dishonest.
This is not an attack on Alcoholics Anonymous. AA has helped many people, and if its spiritual approach works for somebody, that matters. Recovery is difficult enough without people arguing over whose method is the only correct one.
But the traditional AA Big Book did not speak to me.
Wanting the Steps—but struggling with the language
I could see that there was value in examining my behaviour, taking responsibility, understanding what had happened and making changes. I wanted to work through the Twelve Steps properly.
What I could not understand was how I was supposed to do that while being asked to rely on a higher power.
The Big Book’s language felt old-fashioned, unnecessarily complicated and full of spiritual ideas that did not fit the way my mind works. I found myself trying to separate the useful parts from what felt, to me, like pages of irrelevant waffle.
Bluntly, some of it felt like mumbo jumbo.
That may sound harsh, but it was my genuine response. I did not want to pretend to believe something merely so that I could fit into an accepted model of recovery.
I wanted clear answers. I wanted to know what each Step meant, why it mattered and what I was supposed to do with it.
Instead, I felt stuck.
Why the higher-power idea was such a barrier
People sometimes suggest treating the AA fellowship, nature or practically anything else as a higher power. That may be a useful interpretation for some people, but it still did not feel right for me.
My stubbornness can certainly make life interesting, but in this case it also protected something important: my honesty.
I was not prepared to praise an outside force for work that I was doing myself.
I chose to stop drinking. I chose to face what came next. I chose to keep going through the uncomfortable days, and I continue choosing sobriety.
Support from other people can be extremely important. Books, meetings, friendships and professional help can provide knowledge and encouragement. But support is not the same thing as surrendering ownership of your recovery.
Other people can walk beside you. They cannot make the decision inside your mind for you.
The achievement of becoming and remaining sober is mine. I do not say that arrogantly. I say it because recognising personal agency and responsibility became essential to my recovery.
Searching for another version of the Steps
I did not abandon the Twelve Steps simply because the traditional language did not work for me.
Instead, I searched the internet to find out whether another version existed—one without the spiritual waffle.
That search led me to Serge Prengel’s Proactive Twelve Steps.
His approach was clear, concise and easy to follow. The ideas were presented in language I could understand and apply. I was no longer wasting energy trying to translate religious concepts into something compatible with my beliefs.
There was no requirement to pretend.
That clarity made it possible for me to continue with the Twelve Steps and understand the process of being stuck.
It was not one particular Step that changed everything for me. It was the way the entire process was explained. The clear language gave me clear ideas to follow.
That may sound like a small difference, but when your mind is already carrying addiction, fear and the enormous task of changing your life, unnecessary complexity can become another locked door.
Serge’s approach gave me a key.
Understanding what it meant to be stuck
I had wanted sobriety, but wanting something and knowing how to move towards it are not always the same thing.
Being stuck did not mean I was lazy or that I did not care enough. It meant I was trying to use a framework that conflicted with my beliefs and the way I process information.
Serge’s work allowed me to look at change as something practical and self-directed. Instead of waiting for an outside power to remove my problems, I could examine what was happening, understand my patterns and take responsibility for changing them.
His approach allowed me to work through the Steps without giving my power away.
For somebody like me, that distinction was everything.
My thank-you became part of Serge’s book
Years later, Serge produced an improved version of his work.
I sent him a thank-you message on Facebook explaining that, as a non-religious person, I had struggled with the traditional AA Big Book and Twelve Steps. His proactive version had made it possible for me to continue and had helped give me a new life.
That message was included among the praise for his book under my name, Miss Emma Marnie Burchill.
Seeing my words there meant a great deal because they were not written as a polished review or a clever endorsement. They were a genuine thank-you to somebody whose clear explanation had removed a barrier from my recovery.
The current book is called The Proactive Twelve Steps: A Mindful Program for Lasting Change.
It presents a practical reworking of the Twelve Steps, with attention to behaviour change, stress, trauma, self-compassion and mindful self-discovery. It is designed to help people move from feeling stuck and powerless towards making active changes in their lives.
For me, most importantly, it made sense.
Recovery does not belong to one belief system
There should be room in recovery for different minds.
Some people genuinely draw strength from God, prayer or a higher power. I would never want to take that source of strength away from them.
But people who are atheist, agnostic or simply uncomfortable with spiritual language also deserve a route through recovery that does not require them to pretend.
A person should not be made to feel that sobriety is beyond them because they cannot accept one particular belief system.
The most useful recovery method is one that somebody can understand, engage with honestly and put into practice. For me, that was Serge Prengel’s proactive approach.
It did not do the work on my behalf.
It gave me a clear process through which I could do the work myself.
That is why I remain grateful to Serge—and why I will always claim ownership of my sobriety.
I chose to become sober.
I chose to stay sober.
The help mattered, the guidance mattered and the people beside me mattered—but the choice and the hard work were mine.